Only Half
by Anthony Staffenhagen
Summary: A 20-something named Anthony finds out who is father is.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Anthony Edward Staffenhagen. This isn't the guy who wrote this talking. I'm a character who's based off of him. Ever since I moved to Kalos, a lot of crazy stuff has happened to me and the people and Pokémon I know. I really wish I could tell you more, but I don't remember most of it well enough. Even if I did, it would take freaking forever. However, there is one pretty important thing I can tell you about. This is the (very abridged) story of how I met my biological father. I had a stepdad too, but he died and this isn't about him.

It all started one day in 2017 when Gumball came to my universe and paid me a visit. I was the only one who could see or hear him and every time he tried to touch something, he phased through it. That's pretty good evidence that he was just my imagination, but he went missing from Elmore when I started seeing him and they found him after he left. So maybe there was some other reason he was invisible to everyone but me. We'll never know.

Anyway, he wanted to talk to me because he needed to do a report for school on someone meeting a parent they never knew. So, after he left, my single mom, Grace, started looking through her scrapbook of all her ex-boyfriends so she could remember which one was my dad. Eventually, she found the right one. Before she handed me the picture of her and my dad, I got my laptop out of my bedroom and asked her to play a YouTube video on it. The video was a scene from the SpongeBob episode **_Krusty Krab Training Video_**. I held the picture in front of me, upside-down, and slowly raised it up as the video played.

Narrator: It's time for the moment you've been waiting for! Da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- da-da-da-da-daa, Da-da-da-da-da-da-daa Da-da-da-la-da-da-da-da-da-da- da-da-da-da-daa, Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, tssshh Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa-da-da a-da-daa, Ti-ta-ti-ti-ta-ti-ti-ta-ta-ta- la-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-la-ba-ba- ba-ba-da-la-ba-ba-baa, Ti-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ti-taa, Ti-ta-ti-li *catches his breath* Ti-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li- ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ti-ta-ti-ti- ta-ti-ti-taaaaa!

I turned the photograph over and the big smile on my face instantly turned into a frown.

Narrator: Preparing the Krabby Patty!

Me: No, no, no, no, no, no! Not him! Anyone but him!

I jumped over to the phone and called the guy who was in the photo.

Me: You, me, DNA test. **NOW!**

The guy from the photo and I went to the clinic to find out for sure if we really were related. I had to pee in a cup, but I didn't have to go, so I needed to buy a bunch of water bottles from a vending machine and drink them all as quickly as I possibly could. The man from the picture also peed in a cup and the people who worked there used the pee to test if we were related. When the tests were done, he walked up to me while I was sitting in the waiting room.

?: Well, the results are in. I **am** your father.

That man was...


	2. Chapter 2

...Lynn Loud Sr.

Me: No, that's false! That is not a possibility!

I noticed that Mr. Loud seemed confused and I could guess why. He probably didn't understand why I was upset about this. He likely expected me to be happy that I met a long lost parent. I would have been, but the fact it was him made it different.

Me: If you're my dad, then...then...then that means...

Mr. Loud took me to his house to tell everyone the news. The only son of the family, Lincoln, was pretty upset about this too.

Lincoln: Anthony is my brother?! I've been waiting my whole life to have a brother, and it's Anthony?!

You see, me and Lincoln had met about half a year before this. At first, we got along despite our age difference. But then him and his many sisters started to get on my nerves. I overreacted and yelled at all of them, prompting Lincoln to throw me out of his house.

I wish I could explain to you how it felt to now know he was my brother. It's just one of those feelings that can't possibly be described. The only way to know how it feels is for it to happen to you.

As for Lincoln's sisters, most of them were too surprised to have much of a reaction and I was too sad to pay attention to them. What I did notice was that Lori was whining about how she wasn't the oldest kid anymore, Leni had no clue what was going on, and Lily was on the phone with my sister Lightning, telling her about this. My mom had to explain to her later that this doesn't mean they're sisters.

I kept thinking about how much of a change to my life this was. Before, the Louds were just people I didn't like. Now they were my close relatives. I had to do something about this.

Me: What's my favorite color?

Lynn Sr.: Huh?

Me: What's my favorite color? Don't you think a father should know his son's favorite color? So, what is it?

Lynn Sr.: Uhh...I don't know. Brown?

Me: Ah-ha! It's not brown, it's red. This proves that you're not my father and this is all just a fake thing you did because you needed to make your reality show more interesting.

I stormed outside and came across the Loud family's cameraman and boom operator.

Me: Nice try!

Then I went home.

Me and Lincoln both went to our bedrooms and scoffed at the idea of us being related.

Me: Me and Lincoln being brothers. The two of us are nothing alike.

Lincoln: Me and Anthony being brothers. The two of us are nothing alike.

Lincoln hugged Bun-Bun for comfort while I turned over on my pillow and started crying.


End file.
